it was a productive day, but i am numb. i got up, did laundry, filled out my class registration form and my degree application, went to try to rescue my roommate's broken-down car, went to the store. all of these things that i accomplished, and yet i feel dead inside. i am cold and i am tired. my right eyelid keeps twitching. i drink too much coke.

d's car broke down at the bank on her way home from therapy. it just quit and would not start. we went later to see if it would start and it made it about a mile and died again at the 7-11. i took her and we went to the grocery store, and then we went back, and her car made it to the gas station at the bottom of the hill that we live on. we came back to the house, and an hour later went back down and got her car back to the house. but the alternator is dead (again). she's really upset (and reasonably so. money is tight to start with, and now any extra money will have to go to fixing her car). she can take my car to work tomorrow. at least she is not stuck.

so there was a lot of running around tonight. i got skorchiekitty his very first collar. a purple one. he is not impressed. i took the bell off. there was no way i could deal with psychokitty jingling all the time. no way. i bought him cat treats, too, but he doesn't like them. i am so disappointed. he washed my face this evening. it hurt (he has a rough little tongue) but i let him do it anyway. this cat walks all over me already. it's pathetic.

. . . .

i read a post at the garage tonight that got me thinking. it was about self-injury and whether or not the increase in violence in the schools has anything to do with the increase in self-jury. i don't think that is the case. i wonder if there is not actually any more self-injury these days than there was ten years ago. it is just not as hidden. it is not as taboo. there are books on the subject now, there are magazine articles, television shows dealing with it. it is seen less as a botched suicide attempt and more as what it really is: an unhealthy coping mechanism.

when i was in high school i got in trouble for self-injury, and everyone immeadiately assumed that i was trying to kill myself. that wasn't the case, but nobody at the time (therapist included) was interested in listening to me. i'm sure that still happens, but i don't think it happens as often. while it is still highly stigmatized, i think it is becoming an acceptible and treatable problem, instead of one to be denied at all costs.



"i don't care if it hurts i want to have control i want a perfect body i want a perfect soul i want you to notice when i'm not around you're so fucking special i wish i was special"
radiohead

snacks: chicken stirfry, turkey and monster cheese sandwich
noise: mp3s
paper: a room of one's own, virginia woolfe


terribly adorable pictures of the new baby (now with even more terribly adorable pix!)


[me and sam]

(and thanks to skorch for the cool background)