on monday i called every humane society i could find listed in this state, and one in another state. nobody has kittens. i called someone who had kittens advertised in the paper. they never called me back. someone that d works with says he has wild kittens that he feeds outside but that he hasn't been able to catch one. i don't know if i want a wildie. i want a kitten i can snuggle. the petstore will have them in two days. i don't really want a pet store kitty but i am desperate.

cats are a survival mechanism for me in a big way. there is the touch factor, and there is also the companionship factor. i am very uncomfortable with people touching me. it scares me. it makes me want to run. but cats are safe. cats are good. cats are trustworthy. my best friends have always been cats. now i have the chance to get my very own cat, and i cannot find one. i never dreamed that it would be this hard.

i went with d when she took her cat to the vet yesterday and i was very impressed with the vet. she let the cat sniff her and she petted him a little bit before she started examining him. she answered all of d's questions, and she answered mine about bringing a new kitten into the house. i found out that the feline leukemia and aids test can be done and the results gotten in 15 minutes. i was afraid i would have to leave brand new kitty there overnight.

i don't know where to go from here. the pet store kittens are a sure thing. they will be there. the wildies are a questionmark. if we were able to catch them, it would be hard to tame them. there is the question of rabies and the problem of catbites. but i can't wait another month. i really honestly from the bottom of my heart can't.

okay. the pet store is getting two kittens friday morning. eight weeks old, a gray boy and a gray female. they come from a private breeder. they have their shots, etc and they come with a health certificate. they are a hundred bucks. of course, there will be future costs of shots and spay/neuter, litterpan, litter, food, toys, collar. but it is a kitten. i can afford it. i need this kitten. i do.

i'm going to get up early on friday and i'm going to come home with a kitten. yes indeed! i am determined. prepare yourself for pictures!

"i know a cat named easter he says will you ever learn you're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird"
tori amos

snacks: two cheeseburger meal at mcdonald's
noise: ani difranco, little plastic castles
paper: dorothy allison, bastard out of carolina

the american society for the prevention of cruelty to animals website

(and thanks to skorch for the cool background)