today we moved all of my stuff out of my room. my roommate wasn't even there-- she is snowtubing for the weekend with friends-- so she doesn't even know i'm gone. i hope she's not too mad that i took the tv and vcr but i want them for my room. i left her the fridge and the carpet.

there are still so many ends left untied. getting my mail forwarded. returning my books. everything about next year: housing, class registration. but i can worry about some of those when i am well. when i am stronger. when i don't feel like i'd fall over if someone breathed too hard on me.

n. thinks i made a bad decision. he doesn't support this at all. he thinks i'm smart enough to go back and catch up and make good grades. maybe not easily, but without a doubt. maybe he does not understand how sick i still am. how weak.

no, that is not true. i know exactly why he wanted me to go back to school. so i would not be at home. that is the truth i have been slow to admit in my online world. i am home right now, and i am terrified that if the people who have given me their love and support this past year knew, they would not want to have anything to do with me anymore. i don't know how many people read this journal, nor how many from asd do, but if you are, please, i beg you, don't think badly of me for my weakness.